How Knot to Sleep

Something happened. Or will.
I am anxious, fearful, nervous - all at once. Like before a presentation.
Like before a presentation that you know in the pit of your stomach will not go well.

And that's just it - somewhere between pit of the stomach and center of the chest there is what seems like the weight of the world.

Mornings are the worst. About 4.30 am or so, i wake up without wanting to.
And then there is no going back. I know almost before the thought has entered my head that it will... and even before the thought kicks in - my body obliges with the knot in the stomach and the hammering of the heart.
It's all downhill from there.

I can cover my head with the blanket all i want but now that the thought has entered the head - there is apparently no covering it again. I can toss - turn, wake up, drink water... it will not help.
The knot and the hammering will stay... sometimes picking up pace, sometimes dropping - but always there. Now that it has come - it will run its course ending only about mid-afternoon.
Quiet and peace then till we do all of this again the next morning.