Is Baar Nahin

Is baar nahin
- Prasoon Joshi

Is baar jab woh choti si bachchi mere paas apni kharonch le kar aayegi,
Main usey phoo phoo kar nahin behlaoonga,
Panapney doonga uski tees ko,
Is baar nahin.

Is baar jab main chehron par dard likha dekhoonga,
Nahin gaoonga geet peeda bhula dene wale,
Dard ko risney doonga, utarney doonga andar gehrey,
Is baar nahin.

Is baar main na marham lagaoonga,
Na hi uthaoonga rui ke phahey,
Aur na hi kahoonga ki tum aankein band karlo,gardan udhar kar lo main dawa lagata hoon,
Dekhney doonga sabko hum sabko khuley nangey ghaav,
Is baar nahin.

Is baar jab uljhaney dekhoonga,chatpatahat dekhoonga,
Nahin daudoonga uljhee door lapetney,
Uljhaney doonga jab tak ulajh sake,
Is baar nahin.

Is baar karm ka hawala de kar nahin uthaoonga auzaar,
Nahin karoonga phir se ek nayee shuruaat,
Nahin banoonga misaal ek karmyogi ki,
Nahin aaney doonga zindagi ko aasani se patri par,
Utarney doonga usey keechad main,tedhey medhey raston pe,
Nahin sookhney doonga deewaron par laga khoon,
Halka nahin padney doonga uska rang,
Is baar nahin banney doonga usey itna laachaar,
Ki paan ki peek aur khoon ka fark hi khatm ho jaye,
Is baar nahin.

Is baar ghawon ko dekhna hai,
Gaur se, Thoda lambe wakt tak,
Kuch faisley, Aur uskey baad hausley,
Kahin toh shuruat karni hi hogi.
Is baar yahi tay kiya hai.

********************************

Beautiful poem. And its like he is taking the lines from my head when he says -
"Kuch Faisley, Aur uskey baad Hausley"

The politicians in my country are of the belief that their God resides in temples, mosques and churches. That can be the only reason why a Ram Janmabhoomi, Babri Masjid and your religion are of more consequence than your life.

Couple of days ago, 'Times Now' thought it okay to ask Priyanka Gandhi," What is your message to the soldiers who died in the Mumbai episode?" !!!???!
... Because of course 'Times Now' has a special mechanism to communicate to the dead.

When you say on the news, "11 police officers died...The police have been in the line of fire and have very much been doing their job."
It makes me wonder, Do people have to die for you to know they are doing their jobs?

Hindi cinema has spent the last some decades using lame phrases to describe sex.. of special note among the many euphamisms is the term "Hadd se guzar jaana" .. meaning sex/ giving in to temptation / crossing the line (???)!

1991: In a movie called Phool Aur Kaante, Ajay Devgan is heard singing to the leading lady about the joys of taking it slowly... "Dheere dheere pyaar ko badhaana hai, hadh se guzar jaana hai!"
And a decade later, we were no better .. in a movie called Albela (2001), the female lead had the unique pleasure of mouthing "Kaho To Zara Jhoom Loon Tumhaare Is Khumaar Mein, Dil Kehta Hai Jaane Jaana, Hadh Se Guzar Jaaoon Pyaar Mein".

Thank God for Kunal Ganjawala spelling it out for us in Murder (2004) ..
"Kabhi mere saath koi raat guzaar, Tujhe subah tak main karoon pyaar".

Watched parts of Mohabbatein last night.. My mistake!
Preeti Jhangiani's character is that of a widow, widow-ed on the 1st night of her marriage - conveniently.. to make sure she remained a virgin for the man who comes along years later..
WHAT IS THAT PLOT???!!
We were making movies like this in the 1950's!
Imagine that.. as late as 2000 our film makers still believe that their audience would not be able to bear the thought of having a leading lady who is not a virgin!!
Stupid stupid stupid!

Oh and did i mention - so wonderful with children!

First Memory

Long ago, I was wounded. I lived
to revenge myself
against my father, not
for what he was—
for what I was: from the beginning of time,
in childhood, I thought
that pain meant
I was not loved.
It meant I loved.

- Louise Gluck

For all the anti-firangness of the Raj Thakeray's of the world, they seem to have inherited The most angrez thing of all of us.. "Divide and Rule"
... Dividing the Hindus from the Non-Hindus from the Maharashtrians from the....
Ironic huh!

I don't know the price of a single thing - not eggs, not bread, not milk, not onions, not fish!
Friend of mine said he was very suprised to find that bread costed Rs.17 - he says the last time he bought it, it was Rs.12!
So I suspect a lot of people i know are as clueless.

i guess a large part of the problem is that we all largely shop in super markets and just drop whatever we want in the trolley ..no price checking, nothing!
Its sad! My parents still talk about prices, how they are rising, where they buy from.
And me...i just dont know any better!

I discovered this book called "The Secret" recently.
Its about how we invite the life we have by thinking about the life we want. (something to that effect). J pointed out interesting quote by Mr.Ford .. "Whether you think you can, or you can't - Either way you're right!".
Nice huh!

Just so you know i wrote about something VAGGUELY similar in long-ago blog

And And And... In my 1st ever blog, i wrote "..When death has once entered in to a house, it alomost invariably returns immediately, as if it knew the way" - Guy De Maupassant. This one is from a short story called 'The Mad Woman'. Just thought this was so true .. about death, grief.. everything!"
I am going to say this one more time - when an emotion knows the way to your house/heart - it will find its way back.. unerringly, everytime!

Harry Potter is this generations response to Lewis Carroll..

Its got insights on everything - death, dreams, standing up for what is right, fear of the unknown, imagination, love conquering all.. really just everything.

Here's some from Albus Dumbledore

"After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live"

"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends."

"Say 'Voldermort' Harry. Always refer to things by their proper name. Fear of the name increases fear of the thing itself.
It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more."

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real? "

"It is our choices Harry that show what we really are . Far more than our abilities"

These days people are always asking me how it feels to be married and i really dont know how to respond... "Feels good" is what i say coz it does.
Always feel like they are expecting longer answer though.

So here's my long answer:

In some ways - Nothing has changed. I havent. My lifestyle hasn't.
And yet EVERYTHING has changed. I live in a new place. I dont live alone anymore. There are many boy things around my place and its no longer just me i think of - there is always a "+family" to think of.
All very very new to me.

I should add here i like being married .. new-ness and all!
i like not having to budget for time,
to not have to wonder "where is this relationship going",
to have my life fall in to a more set pattern - a new pattern but a pattern nonetheless.
I like the knowledge that the parents love the boy ... and did not hesitate to take him aside after wedding and say, "she sometimes throws tantrums - so watch out for that!"
i sometimes wonder if this will last - this whole new "all looking good" place or will life kick in and demand some angst.. but i guess (hope?) thats for later..
for now - i like being married.

The deed is done

21 days to go for the wedding..
& i think i am in suprisingly good shape..
- i have a pivot-able excel sheet of invites (with email invites and physical invites marked out separately and with % applied to get to how many people will actually show up - its vunderrful!),
- have done almost all shopping (~90% through i would say),
- grub decided,
- money paid out to most vendor people
and yet am just a little anxious.. not sure if its coz i have missed something or if this is what they call cold feet.

Random poem by obscure person (i think).. but oh so lovely!

When first I loved
- Taj Mahjomed (Translated in to English by Laurence Hope)

WHEN first I loved, I gave my very soul
Utterly unreserved to Love's control,
But Love deceived me, wrenched my youth away
And made the gold of life forever grey.

Long I lived lonely, yet I tried in vain
With any other Joy to stifle pain;
There is no other joy, I learned to know,
And so returned to Love, as long ago.
Yet I, this little while ere I go hence,
Love very lightly now, in self-defense.

I went to foreign..

Enjoyed NY tremendously... but have to admit happy to be back.
The high point was the broadway play.. watched 'The Phantom of the Opera'.
I have not seen anything like it before and NOTHING could have prepared me for the sheer scale of production. I loved it!!!

We've been told he's a labrador.. Not looking anything like one yet - but we paid for a lab so thats what he is!
He is called Archie by the by (Thank you - but i already know he is black).
I had only suggested that my parents name the dog after a cartoon character
coz our 1st dog was called Dennis PLUS my parents had already told me they wanted to call him "something simple like Jimmy or Tommy".
If you knew anything about my life - you would see the humour in that line!

Achcha, i have a new theory which i must share.
There is a drama pie in everybodys life which indicates the emotion+drama quotient based on historcal data (fact)and somewhere unwittingly people design their lives to match up to this pie (theory).

What i mean is - if your life this far has had 10% drama in it - you will create 10% drama in the remaining portion of your life and similarly for all other emotions.
Even the portions of your life that are circumstance based and have caused pain - you will get used to having that pain in your life and will create that much pain in the rest of your life.

(my pie looks like this: love - 20%; comedy - 10%; limbo - 25%; tragedy - 12%;
bizarre & psycho type - 8%; intense un-scripted drama - 8%, anger - 7%,
hysteria - 5%, paranoia - 5%.)

Today i think is the 1st day of the winter - all the signs were there .. nip in the air, couldnt wake up in the morning etc... I hate the winters!